Cookie jar FIC: Nice Guys Finish Last

Title: Nice Guys Finish Last
Author: Soawen
Rating and warnings: NC-17, non-con of a sort.
Summary: Sirius loves Remus. Remus loves Snape. Snape loves Sirius. Sirius makes a deal with Snape. SS/SB, mentions of SS/RL, the usual mentioning of the Shrieking Shack incident.
Word count: 1719
AN: Written for the Cookie Jar, more specifically for violet_quill's A loves B, B loves C, C loves A. With Sirius, Remus, and Severus in whatever order. A little smut would be nice, but not neccessary. :) . I hope this was what you wanted. And of course, a lot of thanks to prurient_badger for betaing!


It was unbearable. The snake's cold eyes were sliming up and down Remus again, and Sirius would swear that he could see the taint it left on his friend. Not that said friend seemed to mind in the least.

"Padfoot!" James' elbow almost pushed Sirius off the bench. "Pay attention!"

"Just planning something for Snivellus," he muttered and hid his face draining a huge glass of pumpkin juice.

"Again? You shouldn't do that."

Sirius knew that James was putting on a front for Evans, but it still grated on his nerves. If the bint didn’t like James, why should he change for her?

"Bugger, she's not even here. Something good?"

"I want to tie him up and do something really, really creative. Something like what Moony could do-"

"Do you mind?!" Remus kicked James under the table.

These days, talking about werewolves was the only thing that could make Remus stop oggling Snivellus or, if the worm wasn't around, dreaming about him. It was bad enough to have Snape trailing them at all times, watching and waiting for something Sirius knew could not be good, but Remus' crush meant that Snivellus was with them even when he was not. He hovered around Remus like a black stain even though he had stopped harassing them unless they pranked him, and even that was wrong, for why would he stop after years of war? Remus. Remus, it all came down to Remus, and he was too far gone to notice the warning signs. For of course Snivellus was up to no good, just biding his time. Maybe he wanted to find out why Remus was sick so often, maybe he all ready knew and wanted to expose Remus!

"Would you just go talk to him?" James hissed in his ear and Sirius yelped. "Maybe you'll return to normal when he laughs in your blushing face."

"He would never laugh at me," he whispered back, glancing at Remus to make sure that the other wasn't paying attention to them anymore. "Never. You know that."

"My friend, he gave you kitty ears, tail, and whiskers last week. Pink ears."

"That was Snivellus!" Sirius protested, but seeing the look of pity on his friend's face he realized that James thought he was in love with that bloody snake! "No, you don't-"

"I'm just trying to warn you. See you in Charms." And with that, Sirius was left alone with a Remus who was still staring dreamily at the Slytherin table. At least Peter was sick today - Sirius did not want the small boy to be involved in this because he knew Peter also liked Remus and he didn't know exactly how Peter liked Remus.

Anyway. Snape was the problem here. Sirius knew he could catch his friend’s eye, if he wasn’t leading Remus on. And Snivellus just wanted sex anyway, it wasn't as if he actually cared for anything beside specimens.


>>>>><<<<<


To Sirius' surprise Snivellus wasn't slimy at all. His neck was dry, almost brittle, and his wrists fit easily in one of Sirius' palms as he pinned them to the wall.

"Not a word!" Sirius snarled, pushing a thigh between Snape's legs. "You know you want it, you little pervert!"

The lips weren't slimy either. They were just lips - thin with surprise, softening under Sirius' mouth, tasting of the evening's pumpkin juice, and letting out small sounds of pleasure.

Sex-crazed maniac. He was all ready humping Sirius' leg.

Sirius tore away from the open mouth when he was sure that the other would not scream in outrage of being pulled into an unused classroom this close to curfew. "I know that threats don't work on you, you're too thick for that, so I'm offering you a deal."

The black eyes cooled, but Snape nodded and did not move.

"Stay away from Remus. Make him stay away from you."

Snape laughed. The bastard laughed the most genuine laugh Sirius had ever heard from him.

"You'll get your sex," Sirius continued through his teeth, crushing down on the wrists. "I'll fuck you, all right? Fuck and suck and kiss and grope you in dark corners, all the things you do with him, but you stay. Away. From. Remus."

Still wheezing, the Slytherin nodded as well as he could. "For as long as I want."

"Yes," Sirius ground out. "Just see to it that you keep you part of the arrangement, Snivellus." He let go of him and brushed his hands against his robes.

"Severus."

"What?"

"He calls me Severus, Sirius."

"Fine, Severus."

"With a little less poison, but it will do. See you tomorrow, Sirius?" The snake was obviously enjoying this. Every word spoken with relish, tasted as if it was a piece of Honeyduke's finest chocolate.

"Fine."

"Will this place be convinient? Same time?"

"Fine."

"Fine," Snivellus echoed back, a smile on his ugly pointed face. "Good night, Sirius. Sleep well."

"Wait!" Sirius caught a black sleeve when Snape tried to get around him. "What about - won't you - shouldn't I-"

Something glittered in the black eyes, something that made them warmer, almost... nice. "Thank you for thinking of me, but maybe some other time when you don't look like it makes you sick."

"Like that will ever happen." But Sirius let go and watched Snape disappear, walking slightly bent to accommodate his (if Sirius could believe his leg) quite impressive erection.

It had to be a trick.


>>>>><<<<<


But it was no trick.

Snape pulled Remus aside next morning and half an hour later Sirius' friend emerged pale and blank-eyed only to cry out in Sirius' arms at lunch, telling him how Snape had said that there was someone else he was in love with, and how he hoped that Remus wouldn't be angry, and all the things that would make Remus feel bad about wanting to beat any desire for The Other out of Snape.

Sirius was overjoyed until he remembered his appointment half an hour before curfew.

Snivellus was all ready there, twirling a quill beween his long fingers, and two mugs and a plate with cookies were waiting on a table.

"Hello, Sirius."

Oh, Sirius would get him for that satisfied voice and victorious smile!

"Hello," he ground out. "Mouth or arse?"

"Would you like some pineapple juice? I know it's your favorite."

"Can't we just get this over with?"

"I have almond cookies too."

"Fine!" He spat it out and threw himself on a chair opposite Snape. "Cookie!"

"Here you are, Sirius."

Sirius could not make himself eat the thing - Snape was good in Potions - but he did not know what to say either, so he just sat and picked the cookie to crumbs, wishing that the hungry black eyes would settle on something else.

"I tried to make it easy for him," Snape offered.

"Fuck, didn't you do anything but natter?" He had come prepared to suck a dry or greasy or dirty cock, not to talk in this carefull manner, like each sentence was a pearl placed on a string.

"Some. We mostly talked."

"About what?"

"It's not the what, it's the how."

"Now you're just stupid." Sirius threw the last pieces of almonds on the table and grabbed Snape by the collar. "If you can't make up your mind, I'll decide."

"But-"

He cut off the Slytherin with his tongue and did not even break when Snape's fumbling hands knocked over the juice on their way to Sirius' shoulders and hips.

Snape tasted of pineapple and almonds.


>>>>><<<<<


It became a pattern.

Snape would be there waiting, bringing some sort of food, and try to initiate some sort of conversation. Sirius, who had agreed to let Snivellus fuck him or vice versa, would break within minutes, and then Sirius would shut him up with a kiss until Snape was naked and moaning and splayed amongst the food, unable to say anything coherent.

Sirius had to admit that Snivellus wasn't greasy as such. His hair was oily, but he never smelled of anything but potions (which was bad enough) and Hogwarts soap, and his semen - not that Sirius was thinking about Snape's semen - tasted of salt and pineapple, however he managed that, probably some potion or something, and Sirius didn't really like pineapple anymore.

So sucking Snivellus' cock wasn't as revolting as Sirius had feared. Especially because he always reprociated, and when Sirius' balls were being held in a tight fist while a tongue was working the spot just below the head, he could close his eyes and yell Remus' name over and over without Snape ever commenting on it.

Being fucked wasn't bad either. Snape's fingers were long and clever, and he did make a good lube (also pineapple-tasting and -scented and Sirius hated that fruit now). He was gentle when he pressed himself into Sirius, and he never said another name than Sirius' when he whispered endearments and compliments into Sirius' warm neck.

And Merlin, fucking Snape! Sirius had had them tighter, but never as lively and easy to please. Snape was a good bottom and seemed to like Sirius' cock a lot, and sometimes Sirius forgot to yell Remus' name when he came between the pale legs.


>>>>><<<<<


But Snape never stopped talking - or trying to talk - and that was what got Sirius a few weeks after Remus had started looking after Frank Longbottom. Sirius felt the familiar rage but could not say anything, and he did not dare to break his and Snape's agreement because Remus did not look as intensely at Longbottom as he had at Snivellus. But Sirius found a way to solve the whole mess.

Remus was scared and angry, but eventually forgave Sirius for "trying to make Snape see the real you and love all of you like we do". He did not stop looking past Sirius at other people, though, but he was looking at people, not snakes pretending to be persons.

Sirius still tried to get in the way of Remus' gaze but contented himself with brotherly hugs and long talks during the nights. In Azkaban, he remembered everything about Remus because all memories were tinted with the knowledge that Remus would never kiss his neck while hugging him.

And Snape - who cared about Snivellus anyway?